I Failed. I'm sorry.

I fell on my knees today. i dont know how to say it. For a moment my world spun. I'm selfish. My daughter, Hana..my first ever truly love at first sight kinda thing just count her money in front of me wanting to help me with my business. she said she want to make more money. She asked me if she should start finding a job to help me. SHE'S 9 years old. How do u as a mum would feel? I kept asking myself; What's wrong with me?

I'm not sure apa sebenarnya yang me kejar. I admit that making money is addictive tapi harta sebenarku bukan duit, bukan kedudukan tapi anakku. Am I happy with my condition now? Ive been too caught up with my online business.. belajar and terus belajar for knowledge dunia perniagaan.. How to get new prospect.. different brain color.. this and that continuously learning about business world. Online class.. jumpa orang, etc. but what do I get in return? Lazy is never in me. I've been trained to do things to perfection since I was in young age and failing was never accepted. But now, I put many things in jeopardy. My daughters. My husband. My Marriage. I failed.

Allahuakhbar.

I'm sorry Hana. Im sorry Sarah. I'm sorry AJ. I'm doing this for us.. but it seems like I'm doing it for myself. My satisfaction. Duit boleh dicari tapi masa bersama anakku nda boleh diganti. I miss my kids. I miss playing with them. I was there with them physically but mentally I'm not there. I've been emotionless mcm robot. Barely sit and speak with them. Always business di otak and self neglecting myself and family. Im not proud of it but typing this while my eyes masih merah berair so that if i slowly fade away, or less and less active.. people would understand.

What I'm trying to say here. I'm sorry to everyone if i will be less active in business. Less promoting. Less chatting. Or cannot do any MPs or only use runner for deliveries. I'm trying to adjust. I want to live my life with my kids. I want to spend more time with my family. I want to exist in my kids childhood.

Thank you for your continuous support all this time and thank you in advance if you keep supporting my small business. Just so you know, with your purchase, I'd be paying my daughter tuition fee and feed them decent food thats why me sentiasa doa yang baik dan cuba sedaya upaya to give you the best service that I can. I'm trying to find keberkatan untuk darah daging my anak-anak. When I thank you and pray "semoga bertambah rezeki lagi..semoga u and family sihat"..jujur ikhlas me doa sebagai tanda syukur me sebab jumpa orang-orang seperti kamu yang masih mahu support small business person like me. I'm a housewife yang hanya mengharapkan business ane sebagai my personal main source of income, without my customers membeli, siapa jua me. 

I will keep doing business remotely. You are always welcome to ask me anything but Im sorry for late replies or maybe inda mcm biasa entertaining soalan yang irrelevant to my business. I'm sorry jua if i have to cut our conversation shorts. I'm sorry if me nada actively promote product kamu (this is for  ALL my leaders to ALL business), I'm sorry if I'm not pushing my dropship with sales and whats not but dont worry i will try to provide you with new posters every now and then, and asked you if you are well and need help and again you are always welcome to chat with me if you need to.

I'm sorry.

Sincerely,

Zeehan